Meaghan Came Over

We were suppossed to watch a movie and we ended up finishing two bottles of wine and playing papparazzi...

Deep Thoughts

It's funny when you wake up in the morning what the first thing that pops into your head is. Today, I woke up and for some reason I was thinking about the 1990 movie with Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn, Bird on a Wire. No idea why and such a random film to think about. Then my next thought:

I wonder if Goldie still speaks to Mel now that he's a Jew-hater?

Anyway, I love that movie. I'm totally adding it to my Netflix.

Step to the Left Beyonce

All I'm sayin' is Beyonce better Step To the Left, To the Left, because Jennifer Hudson kicks her ASS in Dreamgirls. I just saw it tonight and it is out of this world!!! To Beyonce's credit she does have one really good song at the end called "Listen" but other than that....Jennifer truly deserves an Oscar for her role as "Effie White" and I hope she gets it.

Hot Pieces of Sex: Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan

I got the new Damien Rice CD for Christmas (thanks mom) and have been listening to it non-stop for the past week. Damien and Lisa are both Irish folk singers with Damien fronting most of the vocals and Lisa doing haunting backgrounds. They are totally worthy of the title of hot piece of sex. I first discovered Damien when he accompanied Tori Amos in "The Power of Orange Knickers" from The Beekeeper. But Damien is probably best known for his song "The Blower's Daughter" from that movie where Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, and Clive Owen all sleep with each other and talk really dirty...what was it called...Closer. Anyway, I'm not really sure what a blower's daughter is exactly...but any check out the new CD....9.

Goodness Makes the Badness Go Away

So, I stayed in the city this year for Christmas because I had to work at the comedy club for a "Very Jewish Christmas". As I was getting ready for work, I put on the Cartoon Network to get into the spirit. When I was young, Christmas Eve was my FAVORITE day of the year. I submerged myself in everything Christmas. I just love it. So, Cartoon Network was playing all of the classic Christmas specials...The Grinch, Yogi's First Christmas, Pac Man's Christmas (yes, I went there....) and finally...my favorite cartoon of all-time...the Smurfs Christmas.

It's so weird watching 80's cartoons now that I'm an adult. I am a fanatic no doubt. I have He-Man, Thundercats...and all that shit on DVD...and plan on buying everything else that comes out....it just holds a special place in my heart. But the funny thing is when you re-watch all those cartooons at ...uh...29...gonna be 30 in two weeks...they aren't quite how you remember them. They are just a little bit dorky....okay...a lot. But I don't give a bitch because they DO NOT make cartoons like they used to....I mean Jesus...they don't even have Saturday Morning cartoons anymore. So Sad.

Anyway, it's Christmas...I'm drunk on Merlot and rambling. But I was watching the Smurfs Christmas and my god...it was soooo retarded. In order to save the day, the Smurfs sang over and over again "Goodness Makes the Badness Go Away" which made the villian fail at his evil plan. It was so ridiculously cheesy but when I was little I would watch this over and over and over agian. So weird.

Anyway, Merry Christmas Y'all.

Always Something New to Discover

Living in New York is like being on vacation every day sometimes. When you have the time to explore, you always discover something new....That's one of the things I love about living here. Yesterday Dan and I did an off-the-beaten track tourist trip in Manhattan. We woke up and headed to the East Side of Manhattan to catch the cable car that lifts across the river to Roosevelt Island. Neither of us have ever been to to the little island that lies between Manhattan and Queens before but I've always wanted to take the cable car ever since I saw Spiderman save all those people riding in it in the first movie;)

I must say it was pretty freaky taking the cable car but well worth it. It's about a 5 minute trip to get to there from Manhattan and there's not really much to do there. It's basically this odd little community with a tiny main street, one restaurant, a lot of abandoned old asylums and hospitals, and new condos that look like college dorm campuses.

We ate lunch at this place called Trelli's and it was pretty much a diner. I had a burger and dear lord, it was seriously like Grade F meat. I thought was going to barf.

On Friday, we headed to Fort Tryon all the way up to 190th Street (we were quite adventurous this weekend!) Dan knew of a little romantic spot for dinner and wanted to surprise me, so I trekked all the way up there with him asking "Are we there yet?" .... kind of terrified to be so far uptown after dark and in a park...we found our way thru the paths of Fort Tryon park to a charming cottage lit by Holiday lights that sat on hill overlooking Manhattan.

Abandoned by the New York City Department of Parks and Recreation in the 1970s, Fort Tryon became a haven for the homeless, prostitutes, and drug dealers. In 1995, the New York Restoration Project, an organization founded by Bette Midler, took over the park, cleaning it up and returning it to its original glory.

The restaurant was called New Leaf Cafe and it was so great. The clientle was a bit uppity and Dan and I were dressed a little down but it didn't really matter... the food was great and the service was top notch. I definitely would recommend it for a spring or summer trip after hitting the Bronx Zoo or something.

What is Wrong With People??

I got this email from one of my friends in DC...it's an article from some bored old Christian repressed bitch on the Worldnetdaily.net Christian website. How can people not see the insanity of these people. They take it WAYYYYY to far and it's just absolutely absurd.

I watched that movie Borat (funniest effing movie ever) and there was a scene where he ended up at some Born-Again sermon or whatever you call them. People we're running around like wild boars, chanting, sucking the devil out of each other. CRAZY SCARY SHIT. Why do they have the devil in them in the first place....maybe because they ate soy products for dinner or god forbid had a soy latte at Starbucks.

Anyway, read this gem of an article from this lovely old man who is trying to save us from ourselves.

A Devil Food Is Turning Our Kids Into Homosexuals
Posted: December 12, 20061:00 a.m. Eastern

There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it's a "health food," one of our most popular.

Now, I'm a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it's organic. I state my bias here just so you'll know I'm not anti-health food.

The dangerous food I'm speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they're all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

I have nothing against an occasional soy snack. Soy is nutritious and contains lots of good things. Unfortunately, when you eat or drink a lot of soy stuff, you're also getting substantial quantities of estrogens.

Estrogens are female hormones. If you're a woman, you're flooding your system with a substance it can't handle in surplus. If you're a man, you're suppressing your masculinity and stimulating your "female side," physically and mentally.

In fetal development, the default is being female. All humans (even in old age) tend toward femininity. The main thing that keeps men from diverging into the female pattern is testosterone, and testosterone is suppressed by an excess of estrogen.

If you're a grownup, you're already developed, and you're able to fight off some of the damaging effects of soy. Babies aren't so fortunate. Research is now showing that when you feed your baby soy formula, you're giving him or her the equivalent of five birth control pills a day. A baby's endocrine system just can't cope with that kind of massive assault, so some damage is inevitable. At the extreme, the damage can be fatal.

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.
Doctors used to hope soy would reduce hot flashes, prevent cancer and heart disease, and save millions in the Third World from starvation. That was before they knew much about long-term soy use. Now we know it's a classic example of a cure that's worse than the disease. For example, if your baby gets colic from cow's milk, do you switch him to soy milk? Don't even think about it. His phytoestrogen level will jump to 20 times normal. If he is a she, brace yourself for watching her reach menarche as young as seven, robbing her of years of childhood. If he is a boy, it's far worse: He may not reach puberty till much later than normal.

Research in 2000 showed that a soy-based diet at any age can lead to a weak thyroid, which commonly produces heart problems and excess fat. Could this explain the dramatic increase in obesity today?

Recent research on rats shows testicular atrophy, infertility and uterus hypertrophy (enlargement). This helps explain the infertility epidemic and the sudden growth in fertility clinics. But alas, by the time a soy-damaged infant has grown to adulthood and wants to marry, it's too late to get fixed by a fertility clinic.

Worse, there's now scientific evidence that estrogen ingredients in soy products may be boosting the rapidly rising incidence of leukemia in children. In the latest year we have numbers for, new cases in the U.S. jumped 27 percent. In one year!

There's also a serious connection between soy and cancer in adults – especially breast cancer. That's why the governments of Israel, the UK, France and New Zealand are already cracking down hard on soy.

In sad contrast, 60 percent of the refined foods in U.S. supermarkets now contain soy. Worse, soy use may double in the next few years because (last I heard) the out-of-touch medicrats in the FDA hierarchy are considering allowing manufacturers of cereal, energy bars, fake milk, fake yogurt, etc., to claim that "soy prevents cancer." It doesn't.

P.S.: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it's perfectly safe because it's fermented, which changes its molecular structure. Miso, natto and tempeh are also OK, but avoid tofu.

'Tis the Season

I had my iPod set to the Holiday mix this morning on my way to work...you know, Charlie Brown, The Waitresses, Mariah Carey...

A children choir's version of "Carol of the Bells" came on (one of my favorite Christmas songs) and as it was playing I suddenly felt like I was in the opening sequence of a movie. This haunting song was the soundtrack as I treked through Manhattan along with all of the other Manhattanites on our way to various jobs...corporate suits, delivery folks, the Pax guys maneuvering carts of covered food through the crowds to get to the big breakfast meeting over at some important client business meeting at HBO, bewildered tourists hitting up the Christmas Shopping Village set-up in Bryant Park...Everyone on their own little New York mission.

As I'm playing this sequence through my head and realizing how every single one of us are just out for ourselves ... completely unphased or aware of our surroundings just on auto-pilot while making our way to work (through life)...Without missing a beat, I instinctively and gracefully glided over a homeless man sprawled out asleep in the street and continued on to my office....

"Christmas is here, bringing good cheer, to young and old, meek and the bold... Merry Merry Merry Christmas..."

What a Little Girl Wants For Christmas

One of the hilarious older women in my office was looking around online for a Barbie doll that her grand daughter or niece or something had asked for for Christmas. She found it on Amazon and nearly fell over in her chair.
"Bling, Bling, My Scene Barbie," she read slowly through her reading glasses perched on the end of her nose. "Can you believe this, they look like prostitutes. I'm not buying her this shit! Who would buy this?"

Of course I had to see what the fuss was about...I mean I know those scary Bratz dolls are all the rage and I think those things look like they come with dildos as accessories...but I had to see what the wonderful marketers at Barbie were doing to go head-to-head with the Bratz dolls this Christmas.

I must say I was just as shocked as my colleague. Barbie had turned into a hooker. As I scrolled down I even discovered a Barbie-branded My Scene Lindsay Lohan doll with her pimped out limo complete with jacuzzi. Oh yes. Oh yes.

What fucked up mother is going to buy her daughter this shit. Probably the same mother of the girls you see on that train wreck Sweet Sixteen show on MTV.


Okay Let me introudce you to Bling Bling My Scene Barbie and her posse of whorebags. I mean Barbie even has one of those stupid little dogs shoved in her Louis Vuitton bag. I'm gonna barf right now.

Hot Piece of Sex: Meaghan in my Bed

Hey, I hope you had fun in DC over the weekend. I hung out with David on Saturday night. We ate some pizza and cookies, and drank some wine that got better the more I drank it. Anyway, I was so tired, and though the comfort of my own bed was so tantalizing, I was not looking forward to getting on the subway. Instead of my ususal sleeping station on the couch, I thought I'd mix it up and reside in an empty room in the apartment. I was debating if I should sleep in your room or Roger's...after MUCH consideration, I chose yours. David gave me some pajamas, but fuck that: I want to be comfortable! I've been sleeping naked since I was 8 years old, why should I start covering up now? (Don't worry, I kept my thong on--even though I was freshly waxed the day before, so you really would never have known that I was there). I open the door and I see the piles of blankets on your bed...different textures, weights, and colors. I organize it in a way that I determine which blanket I want directly on top of me, then on top of that one, and so forth. Then I slip right in. I hardly needed to fluff any pillows; your bed was SOOOO comfortable. I think I even sighed/groaned aloud a few times and rubbed my legs against the sheets...then did that half-in/half-out where I'm covered by the blanket, but I have my leg over some of it as I'm laying on my side---it's that cool/warm feeling I love. I fell right to sleep.

The next morning, I awoke to some people talking outside of the apt in the hallway. They were moving something upstairs, but at the time I wasn't sure if it was you coming home from DC. I thought, "OMG, this is gonna be great!" I did the half-in/half-out with me facing your door. I had the blanket just covering my chest and my ass as high up in the air as it could go, my hair was all tousled bed head. I was waiting for you to come in and see me, and I'd say something like, "Justin! I thought you'd never come back!" However, then I realized that, no, it wasn't you...it was some neighbor or mover. I still laughed to myself of all of the possiblities that could've happened...and then I went back to sleep. I didn't leave til around 2:30pm...your bed is that good!

Hope your day is starting off alright,
Meaghan

I Can't Wait

Phil told me about this new show, Starvelliance from the creators of Celebrity Deathmatch that is premiering on E! in January and I am crossing off the days on the calendar...Here's one of the promo clips.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxwnuOjFU0g

Diarrhea At The Mouth

Normally I can ignore Wally, the fat slob who resides near the trash receptacles in my apartment building. He lives in what is pretty much a storage unit or "basement" of sorts that the management of the building has put him up in rent-free in exchange for duties such as, coordinating maintenance, sorting the trash, and annoying all of the tenants with winded explanations and instructions on the functionalities of our buildings "amenities" (we have a washer and dryer room and a courtyard with rows of old bathtubs converted into planters).

Anyway, he's always blaring and singing along to his show tunes and really eccentric mix of music as he sits on his fold-out chair sorting the trash...his musical choices have led David and I to believe that he is for sure a gigantic closeted fag...not to mention his high pitched whiny voice and his usual sass of an old bitter queen.

He is always walking around the neighborhood talking to anyone who will listen, bribing the young girls to mop each floor of our building...or just plain being annoying. He'll say things like "Hi Diddly Ho" and then mutter something you know is hateful under his breath.

So last night, I was at the grocery picking up a few things and as I'm checking out I hear Wally blabbering away to the two young Spanish sisters who work the registers. I got into line in the middle of his rant.

"Yuppies that's what they call them, Yuppies." he balked.

"Do you know what a Yuppie is?" he asked the girls who could quite visibly give two shits and we're looking like him as if he were a psychotic homeless person ranting...oh wait...he kinda is.

He explained to them that Yuppies are white people that were born in the late 70s and 80's who have moved to New York and want to live in the cool areas like SoHo, the Village...pretty much anything below 14th Street. But now that prices in Manhattan are growing and growing (which they are) those "yuppies" are being forced out of their neighborhoods and are relocating to neighborhoods such as Long Island City Queens and Greenpoint Brooklyn for cheaper rents with close proximity to the city and are bringing their pretentious attitudes with them.

...The fat pig sorta DOES have a point.

But then as he was explaining this he began stepping closer to me.

He told the check-out girls that those "yuppies" work all day in Manhattan and are used to people waiting on them hand and foot. He then presented ME Vanna White-style to the check-out girls as the example of what they had to look forward to in the coming months as LIC becomes more gentrified.

Without ever pointing at me directly but clearly implying it with his hands, he told her that those people on the opposite side of the counter were going to be mean to her, impatient and basically treat her like a piece of garbage because we get stepped on at work all day and need to take it out on someone else.

I could feel the rage building up, but knew that he was a complete idiot and any counter attack would be completely wasted on him. I actually sort of felt sorry for him, but still rolled my eyes at the cashiers. I knew by their reaction they thought he was just as insane. The one girl told him to "Go Home" as she shooed him.

I thanked the cashier and thought to myself as I brushed past his fat ass, "They're called hipsters, bitch... not yuppies..."

One of those Mornings...

I went out with some co-workers last night and planned on having like one or two beers...well after about 8 Yuengling's, a bowl of corned beef hash, and a severe case of the hershey squirts I found myself tearing through my closet this morning like a ravaged beast trying to find my cute jeans to pack for my DC trip today.

In my hungover haze, I destroyed my bedroom searching every nook and cranny for the assholes and then discovered that I was in fact wearing them.

I got on the subway platform like 10 minutes before I had to be at work (luckily it only takes about 10 minutes for me to get to work) but on this particular day Jesus decided to send 4 or 5 E Trains by before my bitchin V Train decided to grace us with it's presence.

I shoved my body into the crammed packed train and discovered some woman had her German Shepherd spralled out asleep on the floor so everyone else was desperately trying to make room so not to step on it. We were so packed in the car that I think I had sex with someone, but can't be entirely sure...

Anyway, everytime someone got on they would be like "MOVE IN" because due to the gaping whole in the crowd because of the German Shepherd's nap time, there appeared to be plenty of open space.

I tried to escape into my iPod and that's when I heard it.

SNIP. SNIP.

It sent shivers down my spine.

I looked to my left and saw a Vietnamese man CLIPPING HIS FINGERS. Which makes me want to puke when people do that shit in public. It's almost as bad as when people decide it's a good time to eat chicken wings or corn on the cob on the subway.

I gave him death stares, but he didn't notice.

Oh well, at least it's Friday and I get to see Dan.