When The Bible Goes Blockbuster

Obsessed with Kate Nash

I have fallen in love with this Brit.

Happy 25th Karyn!

My sisters are both on the opposite side of the US and it makes me sad that I don't get to see them on a regular basis. I love this picture of my youngest sis, Karyn cuz it reminds me of that Alanis Morrisette video where she is in the car and plays four different characters...

Memorial Day Weekend

Well, the official kick-off to summer has passed. Dan and I celebrated our 5 years anniversary on Sunday - which was also my little sister, Karyn's 25th birthday.



Dan and I had dinner at Seqouia in Georgetown right on the Potomac River. The best was that a massive evil storm was coming in just as we sat down. We were seated right by the windows and had a prime view of the full patio. The pitch black sky in front of me was a teaser for an exciting show of people desperately trying to grab their dinners and make it inside off the patio.

They were completely oblivious.

The power of the storm seemed to go from 0-100 in a matter of seconds. The wind picked up and people began running off the deck for cover. A few people were slower and the chairs were actually blowing towards them.

Dan and I sat along with the rest of the dining room enjoying the blockbuster disaster film unfolding before us.

It was hot.

After dinner, we hopped across the street to catch Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End which was 2 hours and 45 mintues long. I mean really. If by the end of a movie you are wishing that it would just END....they probably should've tried to shorten it a little.

But it was good old Disney fun and Dan and I are currently planning a Disney vacay....since it's been 10 years exactly since I was a doing the MGM Studios Backlot Tour...I think it's time for a visit.

Orange You Glad You Went Tanning

So I'm starting to think you should have to submit a proper application in order to become a parent.

I watched the new reality show, Sunset Tan on E! which premiered after the season premiere of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie in The Simple Life Goes To Camp.

Um...first of all...the opening scene was Britney Spears coming to get spray down. Yes, oh yes. Pre buzz of course.

Then this woman comes in with her 8 year old daughter who needs to be tan for her school pic. The salesman suggests the "Cocktail" which is the Lindsay Lohan special apparently.

The mother says to her daughter. "Do you want to look like Lindsay Lohan?"

The salesman says out of earshot "Cha-Ching,$1,300- This is L.A. baby, you gotta be the tannest kid in the class."

At one point the little girl looks very sad and says as she is about the get airsprayed tanned, "Mommy, I really don't want to do this."

The slutbag mother says "Well you have to do this honey cause you have to look pretty for your pictures."

The little girl ended up looking as orange as an Oompa Loompa.

Rosie vs. Elisabeth

Loves IT.

I Love Alicia Silverstone

The best episode of The View I've ever seen, not only did Rosie and that BITCH Elisabeth Hasselsnatch take their feud to a new level...even Alicia got in on the action and COMPLETELY snubbed that stupid ho Elisabeth.

Hot Piece of Sex: Amy Winehouse

Can you imagine if someone caught a pic of you and this was it....plastered across every blog, magazine in the world. LOL.

Leave it to the Courtney Love of the double 00's.....Amy Winehouse.

More British Invasion

The hottness that is Sophie Ellis-Bextor.

Is Edie Dead??

OMG? The Season Finale of Desperate Housewives left us hanging...can it be???

I guess we won't know until September.

Don't Even Get Me Started

This has been the running joke at work lately. Everytime something goes awry, we make references to Molly Shannon's character Jeannie Darcy from SNL. Loves It. I Love It. I Love It. I Love It. (another Molly Shannon SNL reference for those who know it)

Hot Piece of Sex: Parker Posey as Fay Grim

I really can't wait to see this...it's going to be one of those indie-sleeper hits I'm thinking.

I found myself standing at the milk and sugar station at a Starbucks on 11th Avenue with Miss Posey a few years ago.

When I realized it was her I did the signature gay inhale and rushed over to the table where Dan was sitting to quickly point out my celeb spotting.

"Have Mercy"

Seriously, that's what Uncle Jesse would say upon hearing this news.

Apparently, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (Michelle from Full House)are being wined and dined by producers to play the first ever twin Bond girls in the next James Bond film with Daniel Craig.

Can u imagine the sex scenes....MK, Ashley and 45 year old Daniel Craig in a threesome.

OH MY EYES, IT BURNS!

It's About Freakin' Time

FINALLY - Jayden James has his cameo into the world. People don't really give as much shits about him as they did Suri cuz EVERYONE thought Suri was an alien (and seriously I think she is) but JJ was born in September and has yet to make a public appearance.

I got these pics off of Splash pics...a little grainy but at least the little thing exists.

I know for a fact that the reason that Brit has been witholding the pics of her latest son is because A. She wanted to have a Vogue cover but Anna Wintour said NO...and B. she's still holding out for some kind money situation.....and she'll be lucky if she'll get In Touch Weekly...oh wait...i used to work for them...Ok, OK Magazine. Cuz they are the lowest of the low these days.

I Can't Believe She Won

I remember when Jaslene auditioned last season and didn't even make it to the final 13 girls. Meaghan was over visiting with David and I and we must've re-wound her audition a million times with our mouths to the floor.

"You Want Neck, Here's Neck"

"I Walk Like This All Day, Every Day."

I Cannot believe that she won American's Next Top Model

Madame Madge

So, Madonna is releasing her first single "Hey, You" with Pharell next week as a promo for her affiliation with the Live Earth tour this summer in London. It's going to be available for download only and proceeds will go to support fundings to confront global warming.

As for her next album it's rumored to be called "Madame". So Madonna. I've also heard that two of her other tracks for the album are titled "Entertainer" and "Let Me Do It".

Can't wait for this to drop.

The Trouble With Miss Switch

When I was a kid, Saturday was the most magical day of the year (next 2 Christmas Eve and Day of course).

Rocky & Bullwinkle and Yogi Bear came on around 6:30am. I would set my alarm and try to drag my sister Christine out of bed to watch the cartoons from beginning to end with me...but she was a pile of sleeping girl.

Dungeons & Dragons, Shirt Tales, Pink Panther, Popples, The Littles, Rainbow Brite and some of those cartoons that never quite caught on Saturday morning mainstream but gained a following came on between 7am and 8:30.

Then, it was the Smurfs, Gummi Bears, Alf, Punky Brewster & Friends, Superfriends, Camp Candy, Flintstone Kids, that Mr. T cartoon, Alvin & the Chipmunks.

But at noon just when you thought the cartoons were over, the Saturday Morning Special began. Most of the time it was after-school like specials with a lesson.

Does anyone rememeber THIS.... "The Trouble with Miss Switch" about these two students who discover that their teacher was actually a witch. I used to love it.

Hot Piece of Sex: Mary Elizabeth Winstead

This bitch has been popping up EVERYWHERE.

Or maybe it's just me. But it's one of those things where your like "she's from..."

I'm just saying, I'm thinking she's gonna be big. Final Destination 3, Bobby, Black Christmas, Grindhouse, and soon...Live Free or Die Hard.

Apparently according to wikipedia this biotch is a distant cuz of Ava Gardner.

Spider-Fan

Dan, Phil and I went to see Spider-man 3 today in Chinatown. Everyone who we told we were seeing it said that it sucked. But, I beg to differ. Yes, it was pure cheese and there were 5 different stories going on at once, but HONESTLY eff-wads...why are we watching it in the first place....because IT'S FUN.

I laughed, I cringed, I even teared a bit...it was FUN. Especially seeing the dubbed over 1940's music that was suppossed to be Kirsten Dunst singing...AND the whole Peter Parker 'bad boy' scene. LOL.

A New Age

I read this article on CNN just now. My god, is this what our children must go through these days. When I was young, a random firedrill was a "fun" outing that interupted classroom and allowed us to walk down the really cool fire escape that snaked down the side of our elementary school building (single file, of course).

Now...kids are having "shooting drills"...


MURFREESBORO, Tennessee (AP) -- Staff members of an elementary school staged a fictitious gun attack on students during a class trip, telling them it was not a drill as the children cried and hid under tables.

The mock attack Thursday night was intended as a learning experience and lasted five minutes during the weeklong trip to a state park, said Scales Elementary School Assistant Principal Don Bartch, who led the trip.

"We got together and discussed what we would have done in a real situation," he said.

But parents of the sixth-grade students were outraged.

"The children were in that room in the dark, begging for their lives, because they thought there was someone with a gun after them," said Brandy Cole, whose son went on the trip.

Some parents said they were upset by the staff's poor judgment in light of the April 16 shootings at Virginia Tech that left 33 students and professors dead, including the gunman.

During the last night of the trip, staff members convinced the 69 students that there was a gunman on the loose. They were told to lie on the floor or hide underneath tables and stay quiet. A teacher, disguised in a hooded sweat shirt, even pulled on a locked door.

After the lights went out, about 20 kids started to cry, 11-year-old Shay Naylor said.

"I was like, 'Oh My God,' " she said. "At first I thought I was going to die. We flipped out."

Principal Catherine Stephens declined to say whether the staff members involved would face disciplinary action, but said the situation "involved poor judgment."

Nettie and Yo Need Your Help!

My Aunt Yodie is doing a 545 mile bike ride from San Fran to LA this June for AIDS Life Cycle and my Aunt Nettie is going to support her as a medical stand-by.

Anything you can give will help find a cure for this mo fo.

Visit online at www.aidslifecycle.org and then cycle #5176 or type Yolanda Duran.

Ross the Intern

I just love Ross the Intern and I've even more happy that him AND Tiffany are both on Celebrity Fit Club on VH1 this season.

Happy Mother's Day

They Kinda Used to Scare Me

Hot Piece of Sex: Roseanne

News. News. News. I'm very happy to hear that Roseanne is rumored to be the new neighbor on Wisteria Lane this fall when Desperate Housewives premieres for its fourth season on September 23, 2007.

Most fags and housewives r over housewives, but I've been an avid follower. I really enjoy it. Maybe because to me Sunday is the day of doom and it means the start of a new work week and I need one sort of mindless distraction to wind out my wine buzz on a Sunday night.

Anyway, that's why Roseanne is the Hot Piece of Sex. ALSO, it's rumored that the slightly effed up 50-something year old will replace Rosie on The View. I wouldn't mind getting my daily dose of Roseanne. She's crazy, but I love her.

I Cheated Off Her in Math

So, when I was a Senior at Broadalbin-Perth High in upstate NY we had three foreign exchange students. Thomas from Denmark, Saskia from Belgium, and Najwa (or better known by her friends as "Na-Na") from Jakarta.

Najwa and I formed an unlikely friendship. We had pretty much every class together and I thrusted her into American culture. No, not literally.

Anyway, about two years ago I got an email from her telling me that her and her husband and her little son were going to be in NYC.

Low and behold, Najwa had become the "Katie Couric" of Indonesia and is on like every billboard in Jakarta for Metro-TV, Jakarta's first 24-hour news channel.

To think, that I seriously used to cheat off her in Algebra while she has since covered GIGANTIC stories like the 2004 tsunami.

I'm totally going to dig out an old photo of her and I in high school. She'll kill me. Or maybe her parents will a la that whole Richard Gere fiasco in India. I rememeber during one of our school plays I hugged her after our final performance and her parents had been visiting from Indonesia to see the play. Anyway, as I embraced her she pushed me away cuz her parents were watching and it's against their customs or something. Oh those Muslims...

Simba

Dan's cat, Simba lost his 2 1/2 battle with cancer and I've been meaning to post this memorium that Dan wrote for him and his sister, Asti (who died last year). It's so sweet. Simba was such a charming cat. He woke us up every morning with his "Meows" that sounded literally like he was saying the word "Hello".

The moment I laid eyes on Simba, I knew he was my cat. This is not to say that he was somehow a possession, devoid of individuality and sense of self, for it would be impossible to meet him without seeing his distinct personality. That first week, in a very real sense, he chose me.

He would stick with me through times both good and bad, an ever-present softness perpetually prepared to cuddle. Sometimes his loyalty and temperament seemed more dog-like than cat, and his clumsiness and goofiness perfectly balanced his sister's poise and grace. Even those that did not particularly care for the typical standoffish, stoic cat would quickly be won over by Simba's exuberance and affection.

I am luckier than most. After ten wonderful years, I was told his time was extremely limited, and twice he almost slipped away. Ten years was too short a time – I could see the fight in his eyes and his deep desire to stay with me, and so I fought withj him as long as I could. After that, every moment was precious; every day a gift. Each time I played with Simba, I played with him as if it were my last, because I knew his luck and my love could keep him by my side for only so long. Each time he snuggled with me under the covers during a cold winter night, I fell asleep holding him in my arms, as if I could somehow hold him there forever.

Two and a half years of borrowed time later, during which he lived richly and helped me to do the same, the look in Simba's eyes told me he could fight no longer. I believe he wanted to stay, but the burden this time was too much to bear. I had long since made a promise to both him and myself that I would not keep him here for my own selfish reasons. I would do what was right by him.

And so, on the beautiful morning of Wednesday, April 25, 2007, I finally let Simba go from my arms to return to his sister's side. And while he may no longer snuggle with me under the covers, both Simba and Asti are always by my side each night in that grey twilight between awakedness and sleep: he cuddling close to me under the covers, she sitting watch, just out of reach.

Racial Profiling

So, Lakisha was voted off American Idol and now it's down to Blake, Jordin, and Melinda Do-me-a-little. I'm hoping Blake wins because it will be the first male whitey to win proving my theory that the show just fills genres in the music world.

They have:

Kelly - the pretty little rocker white girl

Ruben - the soulful black guy

Fantasia - the ghetto black chic

Carrie Underwear - she's a little bit country

Taylor - he's a little bit country but a twang of rock-n-roll

Hmmmm.

What are they missing??? A little white emo/punk boy. Oh and an Asian, of course.

I Want This

When I was little I used to BEG my father to build a treehouse in our backyard. Just a simple treehouse like Bart Simpson has. Can you imagine brats of today have the option to hideout in a backyard fort like this!!

Have You Slept Underwater Lately?

Ok, so awhile back I posted about having dinner in the sky. Well, how about sleeping in an underwater pod?

www.jul.com

Texting Over the Pond

So, Dan is in London for some NATO conference or something. He left yesterday and is there until Friday. His flight got in around 1am last night (7am UK time) so I was asleep when he landed. I woke up this morning and saw that I had a text from him saying he landed safely.

I texted him back thinking it was some sort of fluke that I'd even received the text anyway. I mean it's hard enough actually calling internationally how can a new medium such as texting get thru so easily?

I immediately received another text from him! I don't know why I was so surprised but Dan seemed to share my amazement saying that he couldn't believe the texts were going thru.

When I was in Europe I rememeber it being a 20 minute ordeal speaking to operators and such just to call my mother. I could never figure out all the codes to dial internatially.

British Invasion

It seems that recently the music scene has experienced a bit of a British Invasion recently with Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen, and Snow Patrol among a few. But I think my favorite so far is Mika.

Prior to last night I was really only familiar with his song "Grace Kelly" which came out a few months ago. I was at my friend Joel's and got to hear a few other tracks from the album and it was so much fun! Poppy, catchy, and just fun! Kinda reminded me of Scissor Sisters but much better in my opinion.

Tori Day

It hits stores today and I've already previewed it on her MySpace page. It's awesome. For all those peops saying that the past few albums have been too "adult contemporary" for the sake of her daughter, shut the bitch up. From what I've heard American Doll Posse is completely reminiscent of Pele and Under the Pink

Tori's Back. Buy this shit today.

I'm off from work tomorrow and it's going to be 90 effing degrees here in DC. I'm going to Rock Creek Park, lying in the shade and listening from beginning to end, Tori's new album.

Again, my shameless Tori plug (I know some of you don't give a bitch), she should hire me as her big gay marketing guru, Riiight.