shut the bitch up

I Kinda Hate Jesus... and his Kids

2008-10-01T23:50:00.003-04:00

I'm obsessed with Jon and Kate Plus 8. I think they are an amazing family. I LOVE the kids. Jon and Kate have issues, but issues I can relate to as a person in a relationship and considering I don't have any kids. PLUS...I know they are SUPER religous, but do not shove the shit down your throat.

I mean I see the bible babble taped up on the cupboards. Whateves. They don't focus on it. They are a loving family and I feel like they are pretty progressive and the kids are going to grow up in a loving family and turn out pretty cool.

Now there are the Duggars. Jim and Michelle - the crazy fucked up parents...and their 17 (soon to be 18) kids: Joshua, Jana & John-David (twins), Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah & Jeremiah (twins), Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer (and #18 due in January 2009!)

Notice they are all "J" names....just like Jesus. These people are FUCKING INSANE.

The Duggars raise their children using the buddy system, in which an older sibling raises a younger sibling, instead of the parents doing it themselves. The older buddy "will get the younger ones' meals."[22] According to Mrs. Duggar, "They help them with their little phonics lessons and games during the day and help them practice their music lessons. They will play with them or help them pick out the color of their outfit that they want to wear that day, and just all of those types of things.

Anyway, just vote for Sarah Palin...I don't care anymore.

I Love Tina Fey

2008-09-29T00:22:00.000-04:00

Thank god Tina is on our side.

LIC

2008-09-28T03:44:00.003-04:00

So i watched the season premiere of Ugly Betty and the freaking opening sequence (after the graveyard) was filmed in Long Island City! Yay!!! It's the block I lived on in Queens!!!

Not only that- where Lindsay Lohan works at that chicken place is literally on the corner where I used to live. But instead of Flushing Burgers or whatever its called it's actually PNC Chicken.

The End of the World

2008-09-21T23:40:00.006-04:00

Hot Piece: Aerosol Allison

2008-08-26T11:29:00.002-04:00

This Obsession ain't ending soon. I'm thinking of getting this image printed on a t-shirt.

Merry Christmas

2008-08-25T01:43:00.004-04:00

Finally. Finally. Finally. Dido has come out with a new single. She is one of my favorite artists and she has fucking not come out with a new album since 2003. Granted, the reason why is that her dad died, but one of her new singles "Look No Further" is absolutely gorge.

Her new album, Safe Trip Home comes out November 3rd. I've literally been checking wiki for this shit for 3 years. Not lying. It's been in development for that long.

Can't Get Enough

2008-08-23T19:35:00.001-04:00

"It's Called Projection"

2008-08-20T23:30:00.005-04:00

Perfect Casting

2008-08-13T23:17:00.005-04:00

So, not only are they remaking Friday the 13th but they are remaking Nightmare on Elm Street as well. I am more of a Freddy Kruger kind of guy. I mean, when i was just entering middle school and having sleepovers- those were the movies I was watching late at night that I wasn't really supposed to... AND I LOVED IT.

Anyway, so anyone would ask: who could EVER replace Robert Englund as Freddy. Umm...well I think they found the PERFECT person. Angelina's ex-hubby...Billy Bob Thornton. I mean really he's perfect. I would've never thought.

Cannot wait. As long as they don't cast Ali Lohan as Heather Langenkamp's role. Big question: Who will be the next Johnny Depp??? Can you believe that was his first role!!!

It's Like Walking On Sunshine

2008-08-12T21:22:00.002-04:00

Yes - I still watch this show.

When I saw this I literally stopped dead in my tracks and sat down on the couch with my mouth agape. Like I couldn't watch, but kept watching. Super creepy.

Denise Richards: I'm Constipated

2008-08-07T20:23:00.003-04:00

Is anyone watching this...Meaghan, I know you are....

This shit is banned in my house - it's the one show Dan won't watch with me. But I sneak it sometimes...that and Living Lohan.

Talulu Does the Hula in Hawaii

2008-07-25T10:46:00.002-04:00

So just when you thought it couldn't get any worse with the strange baby names these days...comes the one, the only....Talulu Does the Hula in Hawaii. A nine-year old New Zealand girl was just awarded a court order to change her horrible name that her dumb parents had given to her at birth.

Other real names that (non-celebrity) parents have named their children:

Benson and Hedges (twins named after the cigarettes)
Violence
Number 16 Bus Shelter
Fish & Chips
Yeah Detroit
Stallion
Twisty Poi
Sex Fruit

Then their is the bus driver that got his first name changed to "In God" and his last name "We Trust".

It's Official!!

2008-07-20T13:51:00.001-04:00

Brenda Walsh is back - the story of the decade. (ignore the weird subtitles)

Happy Birthday Erica

2008-07-19T19:50:00.004-04:00

The background behind this picture is a really long story that spans years. I pretty much make everyone pose with this random beaut - Erica included when she and Josh visited last summer. I see him EVERYWHERE. At the grocery store, in the bar, on the street. He formed a special bond with Erica though.

The Muppets in DC!

2008-07-13T20:52:00.006-04:00

So this weekend was an unexpected treat. The Smithsonian has some of the original Jim Henson Muppets from that were made in the 1950's!! We headed downtown in the scorching heat to check out Kermit, Rolf, Bert, Ernie and a few more who could make the trip (they are so delicate and sensitive to light that they could only display a few - and unfortunately I could view my fave, Miss Piggy)

Anyway, they will be on display along with original drawings and doodles of Jim Henson until October. So if you are in DC totally check it out.

And for anyone waiting for another Muppet movie (Becky) - a new one is in the works!

A Little Too Ironic....

2008-07-10T22:39:00.003-04:00

I have the same birthday as New York. That Ghetto piece of trashiness. Can you believe it.

I sorta can...

BTW- Kelly is that your Grandma in the red hair, Mafalda Rose....LOL!!!

Okay...and now watch the one that got miss Tiffany (aka New York) on the map

Spoilers, Tyra, Pizzazz, and Chola's

2008-07-10T21:52:00.007-04:00

So, I'm watching Cloverfield and of all of the characters running from the mysterious Godzilla-like monster, Lily has caught my complete attention. Bitch is running around in her silver high-heels like it's no one's business and ends up the only one who survives this cataclysmic shit. How is that possible? Bitch is running through subway tracks, fighting off gigantic mosquitos, climbing across the Time Warner Center buildings that are leaning together because of the havoc.

I mean really.

On another note, I was watching old re-runs of Jem and the Holograms and came to the decision that Tyra Banks looks JUST LIKE Pizzazz from the Misfits, except Tyra is black.

So now I either what to be a Pizzazz or a Chola for Halloween. Chola's are my new obsession. Mexican Gang Girls never looked so good.

Hot Piece

2008-07-02T21:54:00.002-04:00

Brenda is Back!!

2008-07-02T21:33:00.004-04:00

OK...so the 90210 spin-off starring all those new bitches that no one really cares about is turning bascially into a resurrection of the old cast (which I really think everyone is more excited about) First Kelly Taylor (Jennie Garth) is returning as West Beverly High's guidance counseler. Kelly was the high school bitch early on, but as the series progressed (and Brenda Walsh was shipped off to Europe because Shannen Doherty was a bitch to deal with on set and Aaron Spelling fired her shit not only from 90210 but from Charmed and then to make matters worse Paris Hilton made that infamous sex tape with her ex-husband Rick Soloman) anyway...Kelly became like the main heroine of the series. Wikipedia has a hilarious depiction of her characters trials and tribulations throughout the series:

Kelly faced many difficult issues and obstacles, often with the assistance of loved ones, including her difficult home life, being date-raped, using diet pills, being tricked into joining a cult, being caught in a fire, and temporarily becoming addicted to cocaine. In addition, she endured being shot, getting amnesia, shooting her rapist, going to rehab, being stalked and almost killed by a patient from rehab, becoming unexpectantly pregnant and having a miscarriage, and learning that she might not be able to have children because of a condition in her body. In overcoming these obstacles, she was able to become a better person and help others.

Okay, so I love that Kelly is coming back, and so is Donna Martin (Tori Spelling) and rumor has it... Steve Sanders (Ian Zierling). But now the cream of the crop...Brenda freaking Walsh. Banished at the height of the soap's popularity is coming back.

Who cares about the new kids - it's all about the 90210 reunion.

I have one more question for my friend Meaghan: If Kelly Taylor is coming back...is your brother returning as Kelly's husband? (Matt Durning - the guy who finally married Kelly Taylor in the end of the series.)

I'm obsessed. DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!!!

Pure Evil

2008-06-29T21:45:00.004-04:00

We may as well elect Ann Coulter if this bitch is going to be the First Lady. I mean look at her. COKE WHORE. How can anyone not see it....it's in her slitty eyes and her fake smile. This scary thang reminds me of that scurry mini-series that scurred the be-jesus out of me when I was a kid. V. Remember that shit. I almost lost it when that bitch ripped off her face and she was a lizard or something...

Um...well folks. If you elect that 157 year old man, then that's what you are gonna get as a First Lady...a reptile.

She looks trust-worthy - right? Oh - and to make it worst - you know that she approved that picture. We're in trouble.

I Just Can't Get Enough

2008-06-25T22:22:00.002-04:00

Take note. For my birthday, I just want one thing. Please fly in La Pequena and have her perform live in my living room.

Hot Piece: Rainbow Brite

2008-06-24T23:56:00.001-04:00

I Will Raise Holy Hell

2008-06-24T21:28:00.003-04:00

If this happens and ruins my fall TV viewing season I will commit a Michael Douglas in Falling Down style rage on Hollywood.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/
cut-actors-strike-threatens-to-bring-hollywood-to-a-standstill-852825.html

Hating People For a Good Reason

2008-06-24T21:08:00.006-04:00

I was in Denver this weekend and brought along a book that I've had since Christmas but haven't gotten the chance to read - How to Lose Friends and Alienate People by Toby Young a former writer for Vanity Fair.

The book is a tell-all about the inner workings of the magazine world and the insane entitled slutbags that work at CondeNast. The thing I loved about this book is that where The Devil Wear's Prada was "based" on that freak Anna Wintour, this book used all the real names of the current magazine staff.

It was a freaking hilarious page turner and I think I liked it so much because having worked with a bunch of CondeNasty assfucks at my previous job, I completely, COMPLETELY understood what he was encountering. Especially Elise Wood, now at Glamour (who I'm writing her name because I hope she google's herself and this post comes up). Elise, no one in the office cares that you buy your two year old daughter $200 pairs of True Religion jeans. Oh and you're a coke whore and everyone hates you. I'm so 6th grade, but I don't care.

If you don't feel like reading the book - you don't have to. It'll be a film later this year with Kirsten Dunst & that slut Megan Fox from Transformers who has Marilyn Monroe tattooed all over her body.

Rivers, Alanis, & Chris

2008-06-17T23:54:00.011-04:00

The month of June has given me 3 new albums of some of my favorite artists. Weezer, Alanis Morissette, and Coldplay. Basically, they're all 90's bands...I mean my first brush with Coldplay was "Parachutes" while I was in London in 2000 so it was right on the brink, but regardless I'm happy that these artist's are still relevant now in 2008.

Let's start with Weezer. Rivers Cuomo deals the shit out on the "Red Album" with the
Greatest Man that Ever Lived." I mean that song is just the best on the album.

Alanis. After breaking up her engagement with that hot piece of completely hot piece of hot, Ryan Reynolds...everyone was expecting hate filled lyrics similar to her epic Jagged Little Pill (my high school anthem). The thing that excited me the most about Flavors of Entanglement was that Alanis worked with Guy Sigsworth. Guy is the mastermind behind Frou Frou...Imogen Heap's band and that song from Garden State I think everyone knows that one... "Let Go". Anyway, he's a genius and the minute I found out he was working with Alanis on her new album, I was crossing off the days like Christmas. My faves: Incomplete, Giggling Again for No Reason.

Chris Martin -Coldplay. Just downloaded this on iTunes today. The first single, Viva La Vida blew me away with the commercial they had on iTunes. I've been following the progress of this album for a while and know that they've said it will be the album that defines their career. A bit lofty...but definitely raised my eyebrow.

I read on that fat bitch Perez Hilton's site that the album sucked and I BEG TO DIFFER. I melted on the beginning of each track. It really is indeed - in my opinion - Coldplay's best. Short & Sweet but completely and utterly lovely.

Happy Pride

2008-06-15T21:06:00.003-04:00

I worked at the HRC booth today and boy are my dogs barking. It was a beautiful day unlike yesterday's parade which we stood in the rain. Anyway, I'm off to Denver next week for Pride again representing HRC. I have to post this video that we made for the Cyndi Lauper/HRC True Colors Tour - it's just so awesome.

Happy Pride and stay tuned I promise I will update this bitch more!!

The Price is Wrong

2008-05-13T10:00:00.002-04:00

First of all. I effing LOVE The Soup. Especially Chat Stew (so meaty).

This has got to be one of the funniest clips!!

I Miss You Guys....

2008-05-11T02:48:00.002-04:00

I Wish I Was Fly...

2008-04-25T18:32:00.004-04:00

On the wall backstage when Mariah Carey bitchslapped her back-up singer!!! The beginning is all messed up and you can totally hear her pulling an Ashlee Simpson. THEN listen to the song and at 35 seconds you see Mimi GLARING at her back-up singers. Her eyes are saying "Bitches, after I am done with this song I am going to rip your hearts out and piss directly into the bloody hole in your chest". THEN at 46seconds the dreamlover SINGS "your singing my paaaarrrt. Touch my body..."

David Cook Must Win American Idol

2008-04-16T17:42:00.002-04:00

I used to want that little twink David Archelta to win this season but I've completely moved on to David Cook. He's AMAZING!!

Here he is doing Mariah Carey's "You'll Always Be My Baby".

The Pope Does a Drive-By

2008-04-16T17:31:00.004-04:00

So I'm watching People's Court. It's a normal day.

I look out my living room window and what do I see is crowds and police everywhere stopping traffic and keeping people at bay on the corners.

My 1st thought: The Pope and maybe the Pres are on their way down my street and they're clearing the route.

I was right. So I thought it would be cool to take pictures from my living room which is on the 7th floor of one of the corner buildings facing the street he's coming from.

So I'm figdeting with my camera, trying to get it to work. Looking down, checking my phone, texting people when my second thought pops into my head:

OMG - I bet there are like 25 snipers and secret service people checking the buildings around. I know, I watch to many movies. But you never know. Could you imagine! I proceed to get super paranoid and pulled open all of the blinds. I ain't got nothing to hide!!

I'll leave you with this little gem. Effing love Wanda Sykes.

I'm Going to Be Sick

2008-04-14T16:26:00.000-04:00

Tonight's the Night

2008-04-10T12:56:00.002-04:00

Me, Margaret Cho and KELLY!!!!

(and hundreds of other fags at Warner Theater)

Come Again Real Soon...

2008-04-06T21:45:00.006-04:00

Sedrick and David popped down to DC for the weekend. A little spring getaway for those bitches. Dan was here on Friday but went to Long Island Saturday morning for his neice's 4th birthday.

Seddy let his hair down on Friday inviting everyone and anyone to a dinner party at my apartment on Saturday that never was even planned or mentioned. He was introducing me to people telling me that he invited them to "our dinner party we were having on Saturday". I smiled with gritted teeth and said, "oh really?" to the perplexed gays he was introducing me to. When we woke up the next morning, David took the lead and reminded us that we better go shopping for the party of 30 we were having to dinner that night. We all had a little laugh on Sedrick's behalf. Get into it.

We took a little tour down Georgetown and had a super awkward experience at The Front Page, a restaurant we go to a lot in Dupont Circle. We sat at our table for nearly 20 minutes before finally we made David go ask if someone could take our order. The waitress came out and it was super icy. Since all three of us have worked in the restaurant industry we totally had the situation pegged.

Either there was some personal drama going on between her and another co-worker (perhaps a love triangle in the kitchen) or she just got cut and we got sat and she didn't want to take us.

All Sedrick and David wanted to do was eat. And especially at McDonalds. Those bitches were throwing back cheeseburger like it was no body's business. David even unbuttoned his top button of his Wranglers and had to breathe out a little sigh of lard.

Even though they ate me out of house and home and scared the neighbors with their hoglike snores...it was a great weekend and I do hope they will come visit me again in my little corner of the earth. Seriously, mi casa es su casa guys.

I Said No No No

2008-03-24T18:59:00.001-04:00

I cannot even watch this without bursting out loud laughing. She needs her own show. Go check out her other videos...Pure entertainment.

Mandonna

2008-03-24T18:55:00.002-04:00

So I was trying to get a little preview of Madonna's new song (which sucks btw) and I mistakenly typed in "mandonna" and I seemed to unearth something that caught my attention.

I have been this befuddled since La Pequena. Words cannot describe...

Check it out: www.mandonna.com

Creepy McCreepstein

2008-03-17T12:36:00.002-04:00

I'm really anxious to see this new movie, Funny Games with that creepy guy, Michael Pitt. We'll probably go tomorrow night.

The Future of Animation

2008-03-16T21:55:00.007-04:00

So I'm kinda of excited that Disney has decided to go back to their roots and resurrect the magic that was The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast and erase those other original films such as Home on the Range with Roseanne Barr and Treasure Planet a reimagining of Treasure Island in space.

So besides The Frog and the Princess which introduced the world to the first black princess, Disney is also developing Rapunzel which will be a big old middle finger to Pixar who recently separated from Disney.

Drama.

Hard Candy

2008-03-16T20:45:00.002-04:00

April 29, 2008

OMG

2008-03-16T20:41:00.002-04:00

Is anyone watching Dexter??

Get to Know Regina

2008-03-15T16:46:00.001-04:00

I just love her. Spent my afternoon listening to her over and over.

Hilar.

2008-03-01T18:58:00.000-05:00

I'm Gonna Miss You Gurrl

2008-02-28T17:37:00.005-05:00

This is a place of many memories for me.

It's where I met Dan in 2002

It's been host to my 25th & 29th Birthday.

It's been host to my Bon Voyage to DC party last year.

It also had the coolest bathroom ever. It was like the Looking Glass.

So, it's with a heavy heart that I say good-bye to a dear friend. I wish I was there for one last cheers.

Just So You Know...

2008-02-27T22:22:00.004-05:00

Jillian, you may be a great designer and ready to win Project Runway but take a lesson from LeAnn Rimes...your boyfriend is obviously gay!! Oh wait, I don't think poor LeAnn knows that either.

Hate to break it.

Hard Candy

2008-02-27T16:11:00.004-05:00

Madonna's next album "Hand Candy" will finally be out on April 29, 2008 - just in time for some summertime music to dance too. YAAAYY!!

Track List

Candystore
4 Minutes
Give it 2 Me
Heartbeat
Miles Away
She's Not Me
Incredible
Beat Goes On
Dance Tonight
Spanish Lesson
Devil
Voices

Celine Dion is Amazing

2008-02-24T20:19:00.002-05:00

David showed me this little gem on youtube of Celine Dion. Bitch is CRAZY. I was drooling after I saw this. Just watch...

A Gurrrl Culd Get Used to This....

2008-02-15T00:13:00.006-05:00

I love me some Erin Kidney. When she visits her big fat fag brother, Rob, it's the best.

We seriously have our own language.

J. CREW Spring 2008

2008-02-14T22:13:00.005-05:00

Ripped right from the pages....

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T22:10:00.002-05:00

The songs lyrics of one of my favorite songs (do you know what it is) sums this Holiday up for me:

On the radio
We heard November Rain
That solo's really long
But it's a pretty song
We listened to it twice
'Cause the DJ was asleep

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

My New Favorite Show

2008-02-11T20:06:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Meaghan I got hooked on this little show on TLC called Jon and Kate + 8 about a young couple in Pennsylvania who have a pair of seven year old twin daughters and then had sextuplets...3 boys and 3 girls who are now 3 years old and the most adorbable thangs ever.

It's really amazing what great parents Jon and Kate are and how well they manage their brigade of kids. I can't even imagine. It's also really fun to watch all of the individual personalities each of the kids has and how they interact with each other.

Anyway, its on TLC on Mondays at 9pm.

Rock Bottom

2008-02-10T12:21:00.001-05:00

Can you even?

Get Carried Away...Again and Again

2008-02-08T18:07:00.000-05:00

Um, why doesn't HBO just bring back Sex and the City instead of making a string of sequels. The first freaking movie isn't even out yet and they've already announced a SATC: The Movie sequel to be released in 2009.

Kim Cattrall is going to be like 75 soon, right? I don't need to see her having sex in the city.

Hot Piece: My Friend (and old boss) Chip!

2008-02-07T21:21:00.000-05:00

Who's Doing What Archive : 02.07.08 11:35 AM

PlanetOut Event Director Branches, Um, Out

Stevenson with Project Runway's Tim Gunn
Photo: Courtesy of Chip Stevenson

After five and a half years at PlanetOut Inc., Chip Stevenson is going solo to launch Big Daddy Productions Inc., a full-service event management agency, early this year. Stevenson was the senior director of event marketing at PlanetOut, which publishes The Advocate, Out, and The Out Traveler magazines.

Stevenson's new one-man firm will focus primarily on experiential marketing, publicity, and promotions; he hopes to expand the company to become a single source for clients' design and production needs. Stevenson has been in the marketing industry for 14 years. Prior to PlanetOut, he was vice president of 823 Productions, where he worked on projects for clients such as Mattel and Tanqueray. —Claire Hoffman

auf Wiedersehen

2008-02-07T21:10:00.000-05:00

Finally. FINALLY. Ricky got kicked off.

Dear Jesus PLEASE

2008-02-07T20:50:00.000-05:00

http://www.cnbc.com/id/23057002

Writer's Strike is ALMOST over. I need Ugly Betty to come back right friggin now.

Oh Gwyneth....

2008-02-07T20:25:00.000-05:00

I got an email from my friend Josie and the subject line read:

"what the HELL is this bitch wearing??!!"

I knew EXACTLY who she was talking about before I even opened the email.

I Know I Have The Worst Taste In Movies...But....

2008-02-03T21:43:00.000-05:00

This one floored me. It was sooo adorbs.

It's All Coming Back to Me Now

2008-02-03T20:55:00.000-05:00

What a weekend. David and Meaghan came down for a little visit. David got here on Friday and Meags arrived on Saturday afternoon. All I can say is it was the best time.

Saturday, David and I did the DC thang. All those monuments and shit. Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, the Tiffani-Amber Thiessen Sanctuary, the Rebecca DeMornay Cemetary, the Jennifer Jason Leigh Theatre...you know the big sight-seeing places. David and I did "unicorn" pics with the Washington Monument...

Meags arrived and we met at Chinatown and got some drinks. We had dinner and then basically vegged out the rest of the night, got drunk and watched TV. So we're surfing through the channels and what comes on...Higher Learning a college movie from friggin 1995.

We were determined to watch that shit until Tyra Banks got shot. That was our mission and we succeded.

We were really drunk and at some point there was a pillow fight....

The next day we had a brunch date with Keenan, Joe, Jung-Ah, Jessica, and Ryan at the Beacon Hotel.

Bottomless Mimosas and All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. Pure Heaven.

The gurrrls taught us a little about vagine.

We got so drunk and it was one of the best brunch experiences of my life. After we headed over to my apt and showed Jung-Ah and Meags (the only two who hadn't seen the video that will haunt you for the rest of your days) the "2 Girls One Cup" phenomenon and videotaped the reaction so we could post it on youtube (thats what all the kids are doing these days - look it up but beware)

Hot Piece: Tina Fey in Baby Mama

2008-01-30T18:58:00.000-05:00

Behold .... Lady Morgue

2008-01-30T18:54:00.000-05:00

OK when you open the video, cover your ears for brief moment while that guitar guy screams his little song and then behold the beauty that is....Lady Morgue. It is truly a delight.

Get This Out of the Disney Vault IMMEDIATELY!

2008-01-30T15:59:00.000-05:00

Wanda Does It

2008-01-27T18:27:00.001-05:00

So my sources in Miami (aka Dan) revealed that Wanda Sykes has recently come out as a lesbian. Apparently she was on the gay cruise that docked in Miami and made the announcement that she was on the cruise with her gal pal.

I can't say I'm surprised. Dan and I saw her at the Warner Theater here in DC about two years ago and she is seriously one of my favorite comedienne's out there.

Speaking of comedienne's, I just got tickets for Margaret Cho's latest show with special guest....KELLY!!! (Shoes). I'm soooo excited. I don't know if more more Margaret or Kelly. Honestly, I've already seen Ms.Cho, so I'd have to say Kelly.

Blast From the Past

2008-01-23T11:12:00.001-05:00

Does anyone remember this RANDOM 80's cartoon?? WOW - this one was really buried deep in my childhood memories...Name it if you can...

Have Mercy!

2008-01-22T23:10:00.000-05:00

OK. As the world knows today. HUGE news. SAD news. We all know what I'm talking about...Heath Ledger's death. I think the scariest thing is that these young stars untimely deaths are becoming all to of a regular occurence - Britney, I'm not done.

Anna Nicole, her 20 year old son, Brad Renfro...To name a few in just 12 months.

I'm sorry, but I'm kind of feeling like this has a little to do with perscription drugs and painkillers. Lunesta, Ambient, Vicodin...it's just a little crazy. EVERYONE'S ON THIS SHIT. I'm just saying...

Then we have the Mary Kate Olsen connection. WHAT IS THAT? First reports was that she was with Heath, then the apartment was owned by her, now apparently...the truth is the masseuse who found Heath was friends with MK and Ashley's bodyguard and made the call to him

This whole things sounds like a huge Scooby Doo mystery. And if Heath did die in Mary Kate's bedroom....in the words of Michelle Tanner, "HOW RUDE!!!"

Happy Birthday Meaghan

2008-01-22T23:06:00.001-05:00

Capricorn's Like Me

2008-01-20T21:01:00.000-05:00

Look at my best friend's beautiful girls, Tori and Ali. Congrats Kelly and Tim.

Disney Pics!

2008-01-15T21:33:00.001-05:00

I know there is some frosting on my muffin top. I'm totally joining a gym.

Thank God For American Idol

2008-01-15T20:59:00.000-05:00

Can we just talk about Alexis. The girl from Allentown, Pennsylvania with the glitter all over her face who compares herself to Janis Joplin and Grace Slick. I wish I could instantaneoulsy youtube her and post it all for you. She's right up there with Mary Roach.

Here's the video!!!!

Hot Piece: Marilyn Milian

2008-01-14T22:14:00.000-05:00

Love her so much.

Which is the Next Sex?

2008-01-14T22:01:00.000-05:00

I watched Cashmere Mafia and I must say, I actually kinda liked it. I mean I know everyone is scrambling like rabid beasts to become the next Sex and the City so I don't get too attached to new shows. I love Lucy Liu, so maybe I'm biased. BUT....Lipstick Jungle the new show based on Candace (author of SATC)Bushnell's book is premiering soon as well, starring the gorge Brooke Sheilds.

Hmmm....tough choice.

Some Things Never Change

2008-01-14T20:55:00.000-05:00

I'm no stranger to Disney. I worked at Disney's MGM-Studios on the College Program in 1997 and 1999. First in retail at the Muppet store and Pizza Planet and then in 1999 as a tour guide for the Backlot Tour's Special Effects Water Tank.

I warned Dan before we went that I hate the Magic Kingdom for one reason only. Strollers and fat parents with screaming children and I hate Disney all together because of one other thing.

Brazilians.

They travel in packs of 40 or more with the leader waving a flag to herd all the other animals - I mean Brazilians, over to the next attraction. They have no sense of person space, have no concept of queueing and wave items in your face when they are ready to purchase.

It's a common annoyance of any Disney employee and Dan experienced my past hell first hand. Brazilians EVERYWHERE we went.

Besides those little annoyances, we had a great time. We hit the parks everyday and ate out at great resort restaurants every night. We stayed at the Wilderness Lodge for most of the time and the Polynesian Resort the last two nights where we had a view of Cinderella's Castle and ate dinner watching the fireworks over the castle from our room's balcony.

Who Watches This?

2008-01-14T19:22:00.000-05:00

I'm seriously about to have a nervous breakdown if this writers strike doesn't end soon. Here I am watching Celebrity Rehab on VH1 yesterday and during the commercial break I see commercials for the season premieres of Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant (now in it's 2nd season I might ad) and then My Fair Brady...and maybe baby (also now in it's 2nd or 3rd season)

What on earth is all I have to say. Who watches this crap. I guess I will since there's nothing else on TV. Or maybe I should read a book. Yeah, right...i spend my entire day reading...my emails at work. My eyes are tired.

Guess Where I'm Going!!!

2008-01-04T16:26:00.001-05:00

A Vision of Beauty

2007-12-21T15:11:00.000-05:00

I can't even look at this for too long. Thanks David.

All I Want For Christmas

2007-12-21T12:56:00.000-05:00

So I will be in Los Angeles on Sunday with my mom and sisters and I have two Christmas wishes to come true.

1. To see Nicole Ritchie pregnant and eating.

2. Britney Spears (and Jamie Lynn if the heavens are aligned) drinking Starbucks at a gas station.

Texting Is My New Muse for Hilarity

2007-12-21T10:27:00.000-05:00

I seriously love how the art of (or lack of) crafting text messages or gchats make for a more hilarious story. I think it's because - like a thought - a response is usually instant and spontaneous, hence the lack of grammar, spelling, and best of all, censorship.

Phil: ha i got a text message from joel last night saying rob is making out with his priest

Christmas Has Come Early

2007-12-18T21:38:00.000-05:00

Just when you thought the Britney Spears saga can't get any more Jerry Springer....GUESS WHAT happens.

Her 16 year old sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, star of Nickolodeon's Zoey 101 gets knocked up.

I saw this and couldn't, didn't believe my eyes. I went through so many different emotions. Excitement when I saw the headline. Disappointment when I saw the source was OK freaking magazine. A new found glimmer of hope when I saw the "Confirmed Update" from TMZ. And finally, absolutely pure knee weakening elation when I saw the breaking news on People.com...the ultimate source of truth (I know this to be the mecca of all tabloid shit from my days at In Touch, but you didn't hear it from Ms. Jenkins cause they'd kill me if I'd ever disclose that info)

I'm literally drooling.

Cane But Not Able

2007-12-17T11:56:00.000-05:00

I love hearing about bad dates that my friends go on. So when Phil sent me a text message last week that simply said "my date walks with a cane" I could only imagine. I got the full story via a second hand chat with his friend Jen (who btw is a whole other mini-series of delicious insanity)

I'm posting his chat with his permission of course.

Jen: how was ur date?

me: omg. i guess u havent talked to shira, ok so first of all
we were supposed to hang out wed

Jen: i know

me: and he texts me wed night and i slike i cant do it tonight
i got off work late and have family drama
i was lik eok i can do tomorrow

Jen: yea she toldme that part

me: did i tell you he called me crying?

Jen: sorda but not in detail

me: well he called me crying about how his mother was in jail for failing to appear in court

Jen: hhaaaaaaaaaaaa

me: and she was arrested the first time for domestic violence

Jen: wut

me: jen dont even start laughing yet because this is the tip of the ice berg
so im like ok i dont blame him for having a crazy family but doesnt he have friends to talk to about this? like not the guy ur going on a date with that u havent event met yet?

Jen: yea not a guy u havent even gone out withyet

me: so then hes like not letting me off the phone and asking me random questions like what kind of food i like
and im like jesus save it for the date
now did i tell you that he told me that he had very mild cerebral palsy?

Jen: shira said ms

me: no cp. but whatever
i looked it up and it said that when its very mild u can barely notice it
or the person might just be a little clumsy
welll...
i might him and he walks with a cane
and barely at that...he should almost be in a wheel chair

Jen: omggg
i just started to crack up but i guess its not funny
me: no i was cracking up too
not at him but at me

Jen: wait so tell me more

me: oh i will
so then we walk to the restaraunt and its awkward because i naturally walk very fast anyway
so i keep leaving him behind
and like doubling back

me: so on the way to the restaraunt which is just like a block
he manages to get his cane stuck on my jeans
and almost knocks over a biker
the weird thing is that hes been disabled all his life
yet he seemes like he just started walking with a cane

Jen: omg

me: like he was so awkward. so then we get to the restaraunt and get drinks
and like hes nice or whatever but hes dorky

Jen: yea
did he drink

me: yeah
and of course whenever im in a bad date situation i just get drunk

Jen: of course

me: so then im texting shira my date walkes with a cane
at one point he went to get drinks and didnt bring his cane
and then he comes back to the table and hes like oh i just realized i cant carry the drinks
can u go gget them
then at one point he starts holding the cane up to my head
and saying oh dont worry i wont hit you
i can control it

Jen: why to ur head?

me: i have no idea
it reminded me of when little kids play the "im not touching you game"
so then he goes to the bathroom and i call shira and im like im gonna die
so then he gets back and im like i need to get out of this

Jen: u cant make this shit up

me: no u cant, so i start yawning
and at like 10:30 im like ok im beat i need to go home
so then we're outside walking
and he goes wtach this
and he twirls his cane around
like not twirls but swings it around in a clockwise motion
as a trick to impress me
and then falls flat on his face

Jen: wutt
omg now i feel bad for laughing
but i cant stop

me: but u are laughing

Jen: yea

me: so then we part and i give him a hug

Jen: wait so wutd u do when he fell

me: honestly i froze
oh i should have saved this story for in person
earlier he was saying how since he falls so much he developed this ability to shoot his arm out really fast
to break his fall
and im like um ok everyone has that reflex whatever

Jen: so it clearly didnt work

me: well no when he fell he was like look see how my arm shoot out
i was like yeah that was impressive

Jen: were u laughing

me: on the inside,just at the situation
so then when we went to part
he like wouldnt let me go

Jen: ewwww

me: no not physically
like he kept talking

Jen: oo ok
stil eww

me: like telling me his schedule for the next month
and talking abnout how hell have his friends place to himself

Jen: so whens the second date?

me: the 12th of never
oh and so hes trying to get his ipod on and he like cant
and then hes like do you have an ipod
and im like yeah
and hes like what kind do you have
what size memory
what color is it
and on and on
Jen: o he lovesu
me: yeah
Jen: maybe it could work out

me: then he insisted on huigging me again and squeezing me
so then i was like text me when u get home so i know u got home
because i was honestly worried about him

Jen: yea he prob thought u were in love back

me: yeah so then when he got home he wrote me "got home safe and u look amazing btw"

Jen: aw love

me: yeah
i need to go tell my coworkers
brb
Jen: k

Hot Piece: The New Batman

2007-12-14T13:20:00.000-05:00

Right Around the Corner

2007-12-13T10:58:00.000-05:00

It's my favorite time of year....Awards Season. I eat this shit up. Today they announced the nominees for the Golden Globes which, as everyone knows, sets the stage for the Academy Awards. So let's get started...First of all, I'm really dying to see Atonement and No Country for Old Men.

Another movie which is getting lots of Oscar buzz which I really want to see is The Savages starring Philip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney about a brother and sister dealing with their ailing father.

I'm SHOCKED and disappointed that Ugly Betty is not nominated since last year it won. At least Pushing Daisies is getting a little action.

Oh, and watch for Ellen Page in Juno, a while back in my blog I predicted this bitch was gonna be big. She's only 19 or 20 years old and is seriously the best actress I've ever seen in my life. She blew me away in Hard Candy.

Best Movie - Drama
American Gangster
Atonement
Eastern Promises
The Great Debaters
Michael Clayton
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Best Actress - Drama
Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie, Away From Her
Jodie Foster, The Brave One
Angelina Jolie, A Mighty Heart
Keira Knightley, Atonement

Best Actor - Drama
George Clooney - Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood
James McAvoy - Atonement
Viggo Mortensen - Eastern Promises
Denzel Washington - American Gangster

Best Movie - Comedy
Across The Universe
Charlie Wilson's War
Hairspray
Juno
Sweeney Todd

Best TV Show - Drama
Big Love
Damages
Grey's Anatomy
House
Mad Men
The Tudors

Best TV Show - Comedy
30 Rock
Californication
Entourage
Extras
Pushing Daisies

Jesus Take the Wheel

2007-12-03T12:04:00.001-05:00

I just had to post this lovely photo of Joan Van Ark from Dallas and Knots Landing.

Blair Witch All Over Again

2007-11-20T12:50:00.000-05:00

Remember back in 1999 when the Blair Witch mystery hit the internet...was it real, we're they actors, was the story true??

Well, there's a new one...Not a new Blair Witch... a new weird movie mystery. I honestly don't get it, but maybe someone else will...the japanese site below is connected somehow to the plot of JJ Abrams secret untitled movie called 1.18.08.

http://slusho.jp/

Go here.

Then watch this.

I DARE you to watch this....

2007-11-20T12:23:00.000-05:00

Seriously....the craziest scariest horrifyingest disgustingest traumatizingest movie ever even thought of, created, made, acted in, starred in, viewed ever in the history of the land on earth.

Hot Piece: Janeane Garofalo

2007-11-20T11:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I love, love, love Janeane Garofalo. When I saw Reality Bites for the first time when I was 17, I wanted to BE her. Where oh where has she been.

Well...

It was announced that she will join the FOX Network television series 24 in its seventh season. Garofalo will play an FBI agent who is part of the team investigating the crisis of the new season.

24 sucked hard last season, same old plotline...but I'll prolly watch it again now...oh wait..never mind, there is no TV anymore because of the stupid STRIKE!

"Everyone's on Pins & Needles"

2007-11-15T19:12:00.000-05:00

Heidi and Tim are back with Project Runway 4. I'm just watching the premiere now and boy are there some characters. Lord it started off with a bang. The first challenge was called "Who are you" and they just had to select from these random fabrics and "make it work."

The one bitch started kneeing her fabric into the grass to suck up the natural fruits and oils of the earthy soil or some shit.

Anyway, the funny thing about this season is that they made it a point to call out the fact that they've moved apartments from the Atlas to the New Gotham Building on 43rd & 10th Avenue - that's where Dan used to live!! So watching them hanging out in their apartment is bringing back some memories.

Anyway, I gotta pay attention, Tim Gunn is going thru his first walk-thru of the designers sketches...

Legs and Boots

2007-11-08T23:13:00.000-05:00

So, I'm a little late in blogging about this...for those of you that care (Becky, David...) I saw Tori in DC recently and it was AMAZING. I had to experience it all on my lonesome cause Dan's been in Miami for work for the past few weeks (gets back next Friday - yay) I trudged over to the venue which was literally a block from the White House. It was sort of an intimate venue and I had phenom seats.

Anyway, so it was pouring POURING rain the night of the concert and I smelled like wet dog cause I was wearing a wool scarf. My jeans were soaked. My shoes were sopping...but I made it.

SO. I sat next to a gay guy who was trying to feel me up through the entire concert. The hands were wandering and I was getting the toe-tappin Larry Craig action. I was like huddled into a small ball in my seat thinking "do I really have to throw down in the middle of a Tori concert?" and then to my right was a fanatic lesbian that had a ultra camera video shit that she had zoomed up to Tori's freaking nostrils snapping pictures EVERY second - with the flash! Bitch had a cartoon flip-book of every second. Not to mention, she was eating fritos which smelled like corn butt and was drooling manaically as she snapped each picture. Okay, so I kinda wanted to give her my e-mail cause she had some good pics....

End of Days

2007-11-07T22:42:00.000-05:00

I'm really not sure that I can deal with this writer's strike in Hollywood. Um...I was just effin getting into the Desperate Housewives mystery. I'm really upset about this. I mean I have a life. What the eff am I gonna do Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday with no TV shows. Jesus Effing Christ Up in Heaven Balki Bartakomus, Larry, Jennifer and Maryann, and all the Abbotts on the Young and Restless even Traci and Colleen and Mamie if you know what I'm talking about.

Harry Potter and the 33rd Birthday

2007-11-07T22:17:00.000-05:00

It just reminds me of Harry, Ron, and Hermione....just a little. Happy birthday David! (belated)

House of Horrors

2007-11-07T21:26:00.000-05:00

I don't even know where to begin, honestly. I seriously feel like this is one of those moments in my life where I'll find myself on Bravo talking to James Lipton on Inside the Actor's Studio telling about my inspiration for my horror novel/film that I have yet to write.

All because of you Phil.

There's so much back story, I quite honestly don't know where to begin. I've always enjoyed Phil's hometown family dramas from Staten Island....I know...Can you imagine the drama. It's always been sort of a Jerry Springer/Maury/Sally Jessy-JennyJonesin' kinda thang. I honestly couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth when he told me about his friends & family stories and found that I was frequently telling him to write this down because it was a filthy sitcom waiting to happen (my mind is always in TV and movies- have you noticed)

So, that's the backstory. Me = fascinated with crazy Staten Island families. Whateva.

So, when the opportunity came for me to attend his cousin's Halloween party. I jumped. Now, let me briefly tell you...the cousin who was throwing the party (Jessie)...her twin sister (Stacey -they're both 28) had recently been arrested for getting a DWI for drunk driving TWICE in one day. Oh yes. It's that good...do you see what I mean. So, I was forwarned that the night might not be that out-of-control because Stacey was on the wagon.

Oh no. Stacey being on the wagon meant that she had no alcohol. But cocaine, marijuana, and xanax was the next best thing. So, the entire night she kept telling us that she was doing so good cause she hadn't had a drink in whatever amount of time - I don't remember. I was too busy taking pictures of her taking endless pill bottles out of her purse.

The main-attraction award went to the fucked-up Pirate Lady, Anne. No one really knew her but boy did she make her mark at the party. From what I gathered....she was the girlfriend of the friend of the guy who owened the house - which was Phil's cousin's husband. Got that. Makes sense to me.

She was A MESS. A MESS. There were times that I was literally scurred for my life. At one point, one of Phil's friend's (who was in the same boat as me as not knowing anyone) asked me where I was staying.

I replied. "Phil and I are staying here."

She looked at me like I was absolutely insane. "Here?? You're staying here? IN THIS HOUSE?!?!"

At that moment I realized this was like the Hills Have Eyes. It was seriously like staying in a house full of people from that drug addict show Intervention.

Honestly, that is just the tip of the ice berg - there were fights, a little lesbian action happening all over, Anne kept flopping out her tatas and asking if they looked like gumdrops. I seriously puked a little in my mouth like 9 times.

Out100

2007-11-07T21:17:00.000-05:00

Here we go again. It's that time of year....the annual Out100. I've been somewhat involved in this spectacle since 2004...but alas, since my descent to DC, it's a mere jpeg image to me now.

This year's Out100 seems to have a bit of a revamp, rightfully so, considering the new logo and the new direction that mags been taking since my days there.

The Out100 party will be this Friday in NYC. Chip...wish I could be there!

Hot Piece: Gordon Ramsay

2007-11-07T21:12:00.001-05:00

Um....best new show on television. Kitchen Nightmares. Watch It. Wednesdays at 9pm (after Tyra, but on a different channel)

"Spring Breakdown" Coming Soon!

2007-11-07T20:48:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world who LOVES - ABSOLUTELY - LOVES dumb ass movies. White Chicks, that horror film where the Tooth Fairy was killing people, Jack Frost where the crazy snowman was killing people, any Rob Schineder movie, ALL of the Scurry Movie movies...anyway, I think you get the picture.

But this movie. THIS movie.....is something that I seriously am going to lose sleep waiting for.

Three ladies. That's All I Need to Say.

Rachel Dratch.

Parker Posey.

Amy Poehler.

ENDA: Making History

2007-11-07T20:46:00.000-05:00

Rep. John Lewis: "Madam Speaker, I for one fought too long and too hard to end discrimination based on race and color, not to stand up against discrimination against our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. During the 1960's, we broke down those signs that said 'white' and 'colored.' Call it what you may, to discriminate against someone because they are gay is wrong, it is wrong, it is not right. There's not any room in our society for discrimination. Today we must take this important step after more than 30 long years and pass the employment Employment Non-Discrimination Act. It is the right thing to do. It is the moral thing to do. Let us do it. Not just for this generation but for generations yet unborn. Today we have an opportunity to bring down more signs. Now is the time to do what is right, what is fair, what is just. The time is always right to do right. Let us pass this bill."

Jumpin' the Shark....

2007-10-30T22:24:00.000-04:00

It's only 25 minutes into the 5th season premiere of Nip/Tuck and I must say I'm a little worried. So far it's a teensy bit like when the Connor family won the lottery on Roseanne.

I'm just not convinced. Dear jesus prove me wrong because Jennifer Coolidge and Bradely Cooper (two of my faves) are in this season...not to mention model icon, Lauren Hutton.

But I'm kinda thinking Nip/Tuck is dead in the water sadly.

"What the Eff Was I Thinking"

2007-10-27T16:16:00.000-04:00

I heard this song on Weeds last week and was scouring the internet to find out who it was and then low and behold a week later it was featured on Perez. It's a GREAT song and video too. It's from Montclair, NJ native, 25 year old Jenny Owen Youngs and it's my new favorite. Take a listen...

They ALL Came Out for Her

2007-10-25T21:52:00.000-04:00

So probably the best E-True Hollywood Story since The Golden Girls or Full House...I just watched the ETHS of Kathy Griffin.

The amazing thing about this particular episode was that ALL the stars freaking came out to talk about Kathy. I mean EVERYONE.

Usually, it's just the cousins, friends from high school, perhaps a has-been co-star from some cancelled television show that the star worked with 10 years earlier.

Kathy friggin had Joan Rivers, Lance Bass, Margaret Cho, Janeane Garafalo, Andy Dick...I mean those bitches I'm SURE got like 30k a pop for their 2 minute little blurbs on Kathy.

Let's Talk Ugly Betty

2007-10-25T21:01:00.000-04:00

I love love love that Marc chose the fat guy over the supermodel with the deformed abs (were those plastic fat-freshly-sucked-out-of-them things suppossed to be attractive).

Remake?

2007-10-25T20:24:00.000-04:00

Rumor Has It...

So I heard unconfirmed reports that a Saved by the Bell movie is in the works and no...not with the orginal cast doing a "Hawaiian Style" made for NBC reunion movies.

This is actually a remake that could hit theaters!

So far I've heard of the following who are in talks for casting....

Frankie Munoz (Malcolm in the Middle) as Screech
Raven Simone (Cosby Show/That's So Raven) - as Lisa Turtle
Megan Fox (that hooker from Transformers the movie) - as Kelly Kapowsky
Hayley Duff (horseface sister of horseface sister Hilary) - Jessie Spano
Zac Efron (High School Musical and future homo) - Zack Morris

AC Slater wasn't mentioned but it's probably not going to happen anyway. But then again, you never know...they're doing remakes of Child's Play, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, and Adventures in Baby-sitting.

I know - just ruin all of the classics.

Celia Hodes is the new Karen Walker

2007-10-22T20:13:00.000-04:00

There's a new drunken acid tongue hot thang in town to fill the loss of Karen Walker and her name is Celia Hodes.

Weeds is one of the funniest shows on cable right now. I've been renting the first three seasons on DVD and have completely fallen in love with all of the characters especially Celia Hodes (played by Elizabeth Perkins) and Uncle Andy (Justin Kirk).

Anyway, here's a really funny clip with Celia and her daughter who is just as freaking funny.

It Better Not Be Me

2007-10-22T20:01:00.000-04:00

My new favorite song on the Kelly album...you have to listen to this all the way thru until you get to the Celine Dion style ballad...it's AWESOME. LOL.